Thursday, July 31, 2008

My Top Twelve Mormon Culture Sins...what are some of yours?

12. I eat meat in the summer AND in times of plenty.

11. My mission wasn’t the best two years of my life...

10. My kids will never watch the brain-washing racist videos known as The Living Scriptures.

9. I don’t say "amen" when something is said in a talk or a prayer that I don’t agree with.

8. It annoys me when people bless the refreshments (junk food) at activities by using the phrase “bless this to strengthen and nourish our bodies”. And while I'm on the topic of prayer...I don’t say prayers at restaurants with the family.

7. I don’t know anything “with every fiber of my being.”

6. I watch most R rated movies without guilt. (Saw 2 and 3 made me uncomfortable). 4 of my top 5 movies of all-time are rated R. Gladiator is my favorite movie (the late Pres. Faust actually quoted one of the main lines of the movie in a General Conference address AFTER the movie came out…check it out here), followed closely by the Godfather trilogy, Braveheart, Ghostbusters and The Patriot.

5. I don’t believe gay marriage will bring about the apocalypse.

4. Just because something is “beer-battered” or cooked in “wine sauce” does not mean that it is against the Word of Wisdom.

3. I love music composed and performed by people of questionable moral standing and sometimes…even unquestionably inappropriate subject matters.

2. I am morally opposed to general authorities writing books on doctrinal subjects and selling them for profit. If they are supposed to be special and especial witnesses of Christ then I shouldn’t have to pay for their interpretation of scripture and doctrine. This complaint can extend to Deseret Book as a whole, from their numerous graven images to the countless walls of sermons for profit.

1. I did NOT vote for Mitt Romney.


Nicole Shelby said...

and you know what? you are a good man, and good husband, a good father, good son, good friend, good member of the church...all around you're one good guy.

now, sometimes we differ. but, never on the core important things.

oh, and i thought of another for your list. peppermint tea is excellent when you are sick (and for chilly days). and you think coke is delicious. and that doesn't mean you need to go to rehab!

Nicole Shelby said...

hey...check my dad's art site. i think you'd really like the one called icy shower.

Jodi Jean said...

hear hear!!

Gina said...

I really like this one! (your last one about social policy still has me thinking...)

But as for this one - I share many "sins" as you:

12 - I have been known to partake of meat wrapped in meat. And enjoyed every last meaty morsel.

6 - Working Girl is hands down one of my all time fave movies...and it is rated R. "Let the river run..."

5 - My best friend is gay. I have many gay friends.

4 - Mmmm, bananas foster is one of my favorite desserts - there's nothing like bananas flambed in brandy and served on vanilla bean ice cream! YUM!!!

3 - I love music - all kinds - many different artists. Many sing things that would be considered inappropriate.

1 - I was not a Romney fan.

And to add to your list - I just have two words: DR. PEPPER!!!

Nicole Shelby said...

12. sometimes we eat meat with a side of meat topped with meat and finished off with meat. (and my dad is a big proponent of the all-you-can-eat-bacon-days...)

11. i didn't find childbirth (any of the times) as a poignantly powerful spiritual experience. more like the whole "wo...wo" scriptures. and you better believe your mission wasn't the best 2 years - wouldn't those be classified as any two years with me? sheesh. lovin' is way better than doors slammed in your face.

10. ah c'mon. don't all bad guys have big noses? and the good guys got mr. universe bodies? that's what i learned. it's easy to tell them apart!

gotta finish later...caleb is demanding attention...

Nicole Shelby said...

to continue:

9. i didn't realize that was a mormon culture sin. i've always not done that. to say "amen" when i don't agree feels dishonest to me.

8. ha! you mean ice cream DOESN"T strengthen our bodies? maybe we should ask a blessing that it will nourish us emotionally? and yes, praying in restaurants always felt more for show than out of sincerity.

7. i don't know anything "beyond a shadow of a doubt"

6. you and i have different comfort thresholds. however, there are some Rs that i love...and some PGs/13s that I feel are ridiculous. i can handle violence that is important to telling a poignant thought-provoking story. however, i have a low tolerance for sexual humor. and cursing. i cannot stand the "f" word. gimme a battle anyday.

5. and, i do not believe homosexuality = pedophilia. i also don't believe that homosexuality is understood very well. it strikes such a powerful emotional button that i think it's difficult to study this with an open mind. spiritual disease? genetic disorder? sinful choice? who knows? all i can say is i'm glad that i don't have to be the ultimate judge...i'm sure i'd do that wrong.

and i don't feel that fear-mongery (whether about gays or anything else) is a pertinent topic for bearing testimony - especially over the pulpit.

4. oh man...give me a rubio's fish taco anyday - that's heaven in a tortilla right there.

3. you've got your end of the music spectrum and i have mine. you abhor jack johnson. i abhor kid rock. but it's all good because we both love weezer, led zeppelin, and bob marley.

2. i have difficulties with this as well. though i do know that the cost of making the book must be offset. and people are going to make money off of everything else. why not provide product for the mormon masses? this is a very difficult line to walk. i think i need to think about it some more.

1. i did NOT vote for Mitt Romney. just because someone is mormon doesn't mean they are the best for the job.

Scott H. said...

Going off of Nicole's first comment, and your one of my role model's in the gospel and in life, and everything she said, and served an awesome mission (of course they're not the two best years of your life, saying that sells your spouse and family short). As for my input:
(12) meat every day!!
(9) that's just makes sense and while doctrinally, you are correct, your topic is "culture sins" which would be true because Mormon's are "amen" automatons, it's said without thinking (sidenote, I just recently started to withhold the amen on stuff I don't agree with this year; it started in our ward's ridiculous "Testimony Meetings.")
(8) It annoys me that everyone in the Church knows the line "that it may nourish and strengthen our bodies." In Ecuador, the people say the Spanish equivalent of the same thing. I gave up that phrase altogether during my mission and since, have tried to vary my words so that I actually think about the prayer and don't just give a rote advertisement for Mormon Dogma to our Heavenly Father.
(7) Word!
(6) I too watch most R rated movies without guilt, but like Nicole said, usually ones rated that way because of use of violence to tell a really compelling and meaningful story. I don't know what my top 5 movies are but top 2 are both R (i.e. Gladiator and Shooter)
(5) Gay marriage is not the apocalyptic harbinger of doom.
(4) don' know how I feel about this one, I haven't given it much thought
(3) I must agree, but also add that I love music that is often not the most conducive to the Spirit. (not really into metal, but like some harder/screamo stuff like AFI, The Used, or Scary Kids Scaring Kids; my friend from work, Adam, says music can't express emotion without screaming, haha)
(2) While I love me a good book by an Apostle, I too do not agree with the method of distribution. Why can't they just sell it at cost and be a not-for-profit? Why can you buy Scriptures from the distribution center way cheaper than the Deseret Book store right next door? It didn't cost Deseret extra just to get the book to their location.
(1) I did vote for Mitt Romney, but not because he was Mormon. That's just as bad as voting for Obama just because he's black or, in the primaries, of voting for Hillary just because she's a woman.
Thanks TJ for the compelling and thought provoking posts, I'm still meaning to respond to the political issue post, but I just can't seem to formulate my thoughts into words on the subject.

Heidi Maloy said...

Ok, I have to way in... since we all know I am the Golden Child (yes, T, I know about that)... Sinners!!! Repent, repent, repent... oh, and first I have to clarify- Nic, come on, Peppermint tea isn't even called a tea in other cultures, it is actually an infusion...and don't make me make you come to a TEA party!! However I will educate you about the differences in "teas" another time. And just for T, not only would I EAT a Rubio's taco... I have some of my own contra for cooking in my very own kitchen. Shh! And...You all went off T's list- but here is my own...
10. I am not addicted to Diet Coke (yes, in Utah THAT would be the cultural sin)
9. I don't say "Oh, my Heck!" but... that was Freakin' Awesome (and if it's Chris or Abby the languauge can become stronger!!)
8. I do enjoy a sexual innuendo, thank you Chris for corrupting me.
7. If I talk to my neighbor on the street, I count that in my Visiting teaching.
6. I'm too busy wrestling my kids to be quiet to even hear what I'm saying Amen to, and I only get anything out of sacrament when the kids and Chris are home sick!
5. "I love everyone in this room, and I know without a shadow of a doubt because how can so many us be wrong!?" Ok, the confession is that I almost HATE (most) testimony meetings... I could write a whole blog on that one...
4. I DO NOT think that Primary is the greatest calling... I DO NOT want to be in primary.
3. I don't like to pray in front of other people
2. I don't have any wheat in my food storage but popcorn, cookies, and fritoes- I'm good!
1. I can't figure out why this is so far down your lists- bring on the "Turduckin," wrapped in bacon, with a side of brisket on top of a ribeye a la king (King Crab Legs that is!) And yes, Brazilian BBQ is my favorite and not for the salad bar!

Heidi Maloy said...

Oh, and Nicole- GAG!! you guys are still disgusting- you bagged him already- tell him how you really feel!! Haha... Ok, but really, Nic and Scott should quietly and quickly remove their permanently attached lips from T's bumper, or Bahoochie (as I learned from Abby's friend today because that IS what it's really called!)... we all love T, but really?? And NO, you don't have to get all offended--- I'm SO happy that you are SO in love with him, just get a room!! hahaha Love you guys!!

Christopher Maloy said...

13. I vomited a little in my mouth because of a few comments on this post.

12.5. I do not accept every calling out of duty.

12. Concerning meat ... please see my blog on my infatuation with BACON. I seriously would never join the Muslim or Jewish religion because of the ban.

11. I swear in times of need.

10. I own the Living Scriptures and have been asked by the Shelby family on numerous occasions for pirated copies of them. I am totally willing to do it once I get past the lazy factor.

9. A church leader told me to pray and sit and wait for the answer after the prayer. I waited for 3 and 1/2 hours pondering on my knees, then finally threw in the towel.

8. It annoys me when we bless food in general. The mere fact that you have it signifies a blessing, why keep asking for more. I am sure orphans in the Congo would just settle for a piece of bread and call that a prayer answered.

7. The more I learn the more I figure out I don’t know anything at all. The world is not as it seems and most of what we have been taught is a lie or false tradition. Was it Wells that said, "Trust no one that has found the truth, only those that are in search for it".

6. I watch whatever my conscience allows despite the rating. Bow chicka bow wow!!!! :)

5. I don’t believe gay marriage will bring about the apocalypse or has ever brought the physical manifestation of judgment in the form of a natural disaster or anything of the sort.

4. HAHAHA Just because something is beer or wine anything (including in its pure form) doesn't mean it is bad for you.

3. I love a variety of music in a variety of genres with artist of questionable morals ... sounds pretty much like my family and friends. Nope no problems for me.

2. I am morally opposed to general authorities writing books on doctrinal subjects and selling them for profit. If they are supposed to be special and especial witnesses of Christ then I shouldn’t have to pay for their interpretation of scripture and doctrine. This complaint can extend to Deseret Book as a whole, from their numerous graven images to the countless walls of sermons for profit.

1. I voted for Barack Obama and I am a white guy. Yes We Can!

Gina said...

I just thought of one more sin...I have never, nor will I EVER make green Jello with carrot shavings or anything else for that matter. I am a Jello purist - no need to muck it up with fruits and veggies.

T.J. Shelby said...

Guys, thanks for getting into the spirit. I laughed at many things...for those who took this too serious or literally...I guess I will make that #13 for me. "People who can't find humor with their culture." Ha ha ha.

Jodi Jean said...

i posted my "mormon cultural sin" amongst my other comments on your "FAITH promoting" post ... sorry ... i guess you could count that as another one ... i can't follow directions.

and is it bad that i was released from a calling and no one has been called in my place and i VERY MUCH want to call the pres and ask her to re-call me. i'm pretty sure that's a sin as well.

Christian & Stephanie said...

My Mormon Culture Sins...just a few!

1. I have a tattoo...and have thought about getting another one. I just can't decide exactly what!

2. I drink Pepsi...besides water it is one of my favorite drinks. I even take it around my in-laws, who are anti-caffine...and already think I am the devil!

3. I say words such as hell and piss...yeah in Utah that is a huge sin!

4. I love meat...but mostly only red meat...I'm not a huge fan of fish or poultry!

5. I don't believe my children should get their Eagle Scout/Young Women Recognition...unless of course they are doing it for themselves.

6. I don't mind a good rated "R" movie. Bring it on.

7. I like to skip church on fast Sunday because I don't need to hear those ridiculous testimonies...

8. If my body looked the way it did in high school I would wear a bikini swimming!

9. I love all of the punk cd's we have...I just don't listen to them that often anymore because my kids are at they age where they sing along...Could you see them singing NOFX!

10. I do use a curse word or two when the time is I stub my toe really hard..or some stupid Utah driver almost runs into me!

11. I don't enjoy breast feeding and don't think being pregnant is the best time of my life.

There are more I am sure but here are a few that I can share. Oh and by the way TJ I am Nicole's cousin!